Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Friday, January 01, 2010

It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change. ( and Love)












Lexie: [narrating] Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.





Mark: It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.




Alex: And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.




Izzie: That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.




Derek: By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.




Bailey: Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.

Owen: So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.




Meredith: The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.




Arizona: The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.




Callie: And let it go when we can.




Meredith: The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again.

Cristina: And always, every time, it takes your breath away.




Meredith: There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.



Alex: Denial.

Derek: Anger.



Bailey: Bargaining.



Lexie: Depression.



Richard: Acceptance".




(Grey's Anatomy Insider  Season 6 episode 2. "Goodbye" )


Thanks Mary


********************


And LOVE...even if it is not unrequited, we grieve. Cause sometimes in our lives even the greatest LOVE ... is not enough.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Pluto in the 12th House. Pain?





This is an excerpt from  Steven Forrest’s  “The Book of Pluto”
Steven Forrest is an American Astrological Counselor, Teacher and Writer. His website: Forrest Astrology





Quote:









PLUTO IN THE TWELFTH HOUSE


THE TWELFTH HOUSE ARENA: Spiritual Consciousness; Compassion; Self-Transcendence




THE TWELFTH HOUSE PITS: Suffering; Nihilism; Spiritual Emptiness or Shallowness
IN THE TRADITION...



...the twelfth house is "The House of Troubles." Any planet there would be seen as a source of misfortune — and doubly so if the planet were an inherently "unlucky" one, such as Pluto!




Take heart. We'll present a more uplifting and encouraging perspective on this configuration, but before we do, we must consider an unsettling idea: philosophically, there is an age-old association between spirituality and suffering.




Much illusion must be cleared out of the way before this idea has any relevance to our purposes, but it does contain a kernel of truth. Many of us have observed the phenomenon of a person blossoming into glowing spirituality while battling cancer. That single image provides us with the clue we need: loss, endured consciously and with faith, can be a powerful teacher.




Do we need loss and suffering in order to grow spiritually? That's a delicate question, but one sure insight leaps to awareness: certainly we humans are capable of experiencing spirituality in other, more immediately attractive ways. We might, for example, feel very close to the Great Spirit while opening our hearts to a magnificent landscape, or a transcendentally beautiful piece of music — or to each other, for that matter. Safely we can say that suffering is far from the only path to higher faith.




Still, terrible loss strips us down to spiritual realities faster than anything else. And if Pluto, the planet of much that is frightening in life, lies in your twelfth house, what might that imply?
YOUR HIGH DESTINY
Is it your destiny to suffer more than most of us? If so, than no matter how much spiritual sugar we put on it, you'll probably wind up wishing that you had somebody else's birth chart. Fortunately I can honestly report that I've not observed a particular correlation between this Plutonian configuration and a pattern of catastrophe in the biography.




The best way I know to come to terms with the highest potentials of twelfth house planets in general is to think of them as our "master teachers" — inward spiritual giants that guide us, like kind gurus, into transcendent states of consciousness. Each planetary master teacher promotes in you a certain class of experience or perception which is customized to trigger evolutionary leaps. If you had Venus there, for example, experiences of human love or aesthetic rapture might be the ticket.




But what about Pluto? Here's the planet of Evil and Catastrophe. Does your inner teacher want you to suffer? Or, even more incomprehensibly, to become a nasty person? Not at all. Your inner teacher's goal is far simpler to say: the teacher wants you to deepen your compassion.




Your High Destiny lies in becoming one of those beings on the earth whose mere existence is reminder to the rest of us that, when the day is done, compassion is the purest, noblest spiritual attainment available to any human being.




And how do we learn compassion? By opening our hearts to suffering. Whose suffering? Does it have to be our own? From the human perspective, that question is pressing one. But our urgency in asking it would probably make the angels smile. And their answer, I believe, would be that it doesn't matter whose suffering you're considering. Whether it's yours or that of another being, either way compassion is the highest response that might be invoked.
YOUR DISTORTING WOUND
Imagine you've got a friend who carries a lot of political intensity in her character. She wants you to see a film with her tonight; it's about the gruesome use of torture by the corrupt regime in Wazoowazooland. The situation there is real; forces of sadism and destruction are rampaging, and you really do feel compassion for the people. But the film is heavy-handed. Close-ups of mutilation are punctuated only by close-ups of teary faces. And it goes on and on. For the first fifteen minutes, you are dumbstruck with a mixture of horror and righteous indignation: the very emotions the film-maker set out to invoke. But after a while, you're simply wishing it would be over. Forty-five minutes into the film, you find yourself surreptitiously stealing a glance at your watch. When finally the credits roll, you have been emotionally bludgeoned. You feel numbness, and little else except a profound aversion to hearing ever again of Wazoowazooland or its hapless inhabitants.




The next day at work, someone approaches you with a look of naughty mirth. "Did you hear the one about ...' It's a bad joke, a sick joke, about torture. And you laugh until tears run down your cheeks.




You needed the relief. Subliminally, the film was still with you. It is a psychological commonplace that humor is mostly about dealing with the unthinkable. Most jokes are humanity's way of coping with the darker realities of existence: death, old age, illness, infidelity, sexual problems, catastrophe, accident. And there is no shortage of any of those sources of pain in this world; they abound. Life can sometimes be a little too much like that film about Wazoowazooland.




With Pluto in the twelfth house, you were born with a unique psychic attunement to suffering. Were the world a softer, more gentle place, in your youth, you might have sat beneath the Bodhi Tree, so to speak, and simply entered into a kind of compassionate meditation. But instead what happened was that you were flooded, overwhelmed with the psychic shrieking, whimpering, and wailing of embodied life-forms. And you shut down, at least partly. You had to.




This Plutonian configuration is distinct from the others in that the Wound connected with it can arise in the psyche independent of any particular "wounding event" in the youthful or karmic biography. Nobody had to hurt you personally, in other words, in order for you to be hurt by the synchronous howling of all the loneliness, sorrow, and pain on the planet.




Still, wounding biographical events do have some relevance here. We may find stories of direct exposure to intimate catastrophe in the early life: grandma lives in the family home and endures a long, stretched-out cancer death. What does that atmosphere mean to the child developing in it? Perhaps there is the loss of parent to death, to madness or via abandonment. Maybe a sibling is seriously ill. Perhaps violence touches the home, or the early life.




Whatever the outward story, the real Wound arises not so much from the direct reality of the painful event — as we've seen you're psychically wired to deal with that dimension of life quite satisfactorily — but rather from the impact of other people's adaptations to the difficulty. The child who, for example, sees mom grow hard, unreachable, and steely in the face of sister's leukemia ...he or she internalizes that model. The boy whose dad is full of bitter, black-humorous jokes as a defense against his own tears ...what does that boy learn about manhood?




It would be dishonest to leave this territory without making reference to our numbed-out, violence-mad culture. A child with Pluto in the twelfth house will be seated in front of the TV with the rest of his or her peers, learning to laugh and cheer at bludgeoning, maiming, and murder. We have grown appallingly anaesthetized to the suffering of others; this is the opposite of compassion, and thus, to the extent that you internalized it, this attitude itself is part of your wound.
YOUR NAVIGATIONAL ERROR
Little could be more natural or more instinctual than the avoidance of suffering. We approach pleasure; we retreat from pain. You, me, and a paramecium wiggling on a microscope slide: we all hold that pair of reflexes in common.




And compassion is pain. It may be more than pain; it has subtlety, even nuances of bliss in it. But primarily, overwhelmingly, it hurts to let ourselves feel the hurt of another. To open ourselves to the ache of grief or the ragged edge of fear in another creature is to welcome that energy into ourselves. To make it our own.




Let's be sure that we are speaking the same language here: I am not talking about abstract concern for "world hunger" or "abused children," as laudable as those sentiments may be. What I am talking about is the look in the eye of the panhandler who stops you on the street wanting your spare change. He's human, and he hurts. He presumably hates his situation, whatever his own responsibility for it may be. He likely hates you too, for that matter. Maybe you give him a few coins. But can you give him a moment of eye-contact? A little empathy? Can you stand it?




I don't mean to sound preachy here. And let me hasten to add that most days I can't live up to the standard I'm describing. But what I am depicting is real compassion, and it's an extremely difficult attitude to maintain.




Your Navigational Error lies in slipping too far away from that compassion. The point is that, while you're naturally inclined to feel it, the sheer unpleasantness of the emotion might incline you to shut it down. Maybe you do that by taking refuge in normalcy: give the bum a couple of dimes maybe, then get away fast before he says anything. Maybe you hide in cynicism or nihilism — a real trap with Pluto in the twelfth house. Perhaps humor is your refuge, a kind of black humor that thrives on jokes about grievous loss.




Down that road lurks disaster — and not only because of the evolutionary opportunity which is lost. When Pluto is forced out of consciousness, it tends to express itself biographically. If Pluto's effects are not about your consciousness, they'll manifest in your story, in other words. The point here is a fierce one: if you are hesitant to open up to compassion regarding other people, you increase the probability that you'll sooner or later have ample inspiration to feel compassion toward yourself.
THE HEALING METHOD
Of all houses, the twelfth is the most transcendent — which is to say that of all of them, it has the least direct connection to the visible world. Extraordinary events can take place in that part of being and produce not even a ripple in your outward life. The point is that your healing method here is not so much something that you must do as it is something you must become.




Meditation is the heart of the matter. But meditation is a word that is easily misunderstood. Astrology, if it is anything at all, is a celebration of human individuality. Were I to espouse any particular religious or philosophical position here, I'd be doing a disservice to you, to myself, and to the spirit of what's best in astrology. If my word "meditation" translates best for you as "prayer" or even as "concentration," that's fine.




What I am speaking of is the highly focused and sustained visualization of an image in the mind. The more three-dimensionally "real" the object of the meditation becomes, the more powerful is the healing experience. And for our purposes we must add two more layers: the emotions must be engaged with the image; it must be felt as much as seen. And the image must be one that fills the heart with compassion.




Christians may image Jesus on the cross. Buddhists may see Gautama vowing to serve the world until all beings are liberated. Anyone might image a child, a fawn, a kitten.....young things in their innocence and defenselessness often fill us with compassion. We might visualize a friend who is going through something painful, and let his or her psychic reality into our hearts. And if you want your Pluto-in-the-twelfth-house PhD., maybe you should try visualizing a someone you find antagonistic or unpleasant in that same compassionate light.




The inner work is the real work in the twelfth house; everything else is less important, and tends to follow naturally. Once you have recovered your native capacity to feel compassion, there often arises a strong desire to address suffering in the outer world. In practical astrology, it is not unusual to find people with Pluto in the twelfth house working in hospitals, or prisons, or shelters, or asylums — places where human suffering is at a crescendo. But to frame such work, however noble, as the Healing Method, would be misleading. It is not the healing method; it is only a typical side-effect of the deeper opening of the heart.

THE ENERGIZING VISION
Rightfully we revere our scientists, the artists who make our hearts soar, the comedians who give us laughter, the healers who bind our wounds. But we always reserve a special place for the ones we call "saints" — the compassionate ones who love us wholly and utterly. Sometimes those saints undertake extraordinary feats of service and incidentally garner a lot of attention; Mother Theresa leaps to mind. Others live more quietly, and attract less notice. But even without much prospect for film bios and pilgrimages after they're dead, these saints are precious nonetheless. I believe I've seen such beings once or twice in toll booths on highways, recognized them in a split second of eye contact, and was a quarter-mile down the road before I even knew what had happened.




"Saint" may not be the word you'd naturally use here; somehow "Good Person" just isn't strong enough verbal medicine though, so I'm going to stick with saint. My only regret in using the word is that the churches of every stripe have told a terrible lie over the centuries; they've made saints seem much rarer than they really are, so I seem to be invoking something very exotic when in fact I am not. We've all known a saint or two; life just seems to be set up that way. Caring and support radiate from such people; we turn to them naturally when our burdens are heavy, when we need someone to affirm our basic worth and goodness, despite our guilt, our confusion, our frustration. They don't pity us; that emotion is far colder and more distant than what they radiate. Whatever we may feel inside ourselves, they have felt it too — however dark or abased it may be.




Thus, we expose another lie the churches tell: these saints are utterly human, and utterly accepting of their humanness. What distinguishes them is only the extent to which they have opened to their own humanity. And that openness empowers them to open equally to your humanity or to mine.




To say that with your twelfth house Pluto, you have the chart of a saint — even in the milder, broader definition of the word I am advocating here — would be misleading. There is really no such thing as the "chart of a saint." The cockroach born under the manger had Christ's chart. Sainthood refers to an attainment; a chart refers only to potentials, and read accurately, it describes dark potentials as well as bright ones.




It is more accurate to say that in this lifetime you have the opportunity to attain that level of compassionate engagement which I am characterizing as "sainthood," and to touch people's lives in that intimate, inspiring way. That is your High Destiny, and reaching it is in no way automatic. As we have seen, there are other roads you could go down.




But this high solitary road, maybe the highest road of all, is now open to you, if you choose to travel it...









Monday, January 05, 2009

My last conversation with Love



My last conversation with Love. **

by *Star*
Love came to my bedroom last night and laid down next to me. We remained in silence for hours. He didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything either. Then, when the night was still dark, and knowing in advance what he was going to ask me I said: - So, what are you doing here? I thought I told you not to come here anymore.

He said: - I miss you. I miss you deeply! You used to care about me. I’m hungry. You haven’t fed me lately and I’m thirsty. Why are you doing this to me? I remember you said that I was the most special Love in your whole life, and that you were going to feed me and give me water every day for ever. So? What happened? Seriously, I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I can’t live like this.


I said: - Yes, I know, and I remember what I said, but I can’t feed you anymore. Neither can I give you water, because you’ll be still hungry but you’ll be alive for a long time and it will be more painful for you and for me. And I know about pain, believe me, and ask my broken heart if you don’t!

- But I will die!! ! You promised many things! You are being cruel! - He said

- I couldn’t be sadder and you know it Love. I am not a woman who leaves Love abandoned. I am not a woman who doesn’t feed and nurture Love. I would give anything for you Love. But I want you to understand that I just can’t, because if I do, you, Love, will live for ever but I will die of sadness and madness.

Love was upset and stood up. Walked around my bed for a while, in silence, and then sat down in the corner of my bedroom. He was crying, just as I was crying. We were running out of tears.

Love was sad. So sad, for him and for me, and he tried to give me hope that 'the one' would come back and then Love could live with us. He tried to convince me that because I thought I had been a good person, and because I loved him so much and cared so much about him, 'the one' would keep me in his heart and he would come back someday. He tried to convince me of many really stupid things, for hours...

I knew Love was saying all those things because he was hungry and thirsty. So I paid little attention to what he was saying. All I said was - No, I won’t feed you. No I won’t give you water.
Just before dawn, and after we had remained in silence for he last hour, he looked at me and said: -Are you sure you want me to die?

I said: - Love, you know I don’t want you to die, but I have to let you die. Because I need to be “alive”. That means that you have to remain in silence for the rest of your life and understand that when the time comes, and you are dying I will not do anything to save you. I’m not pretending that you, Love who knows me the best, will agree or understand this I’m doing, but I’m telling you in advance, so you are warned of what is going to happen to you and how you are going to die.

He said: - But I’m hungry! Please, please, feed me, at least give me a small glass of water! I’m alive now. So alive... please don’t let me die!

I said: - I gotta go to work.

***************************************


** I wrote this a while ago. And after all... I can´t say Love *dies* as an animal or a plant or a person ... maybe it was just *transformed*. I do have to say though, that I had to put immense amounts of effort to let it slowly be *transformed* into something different than the profoundest hate. Maybe *that* was my lesson.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Many different ways...cheap *poetry*?



there are ways to *Love*
there are ways to feel love
there are ways to feel loved
there are ways to give hope
there are ways to be kind
there are ways to fight for something
there are ways to not fight for something
there are ways to overcome obstacles
there are ways to let obstacles win
there are ways to be influenced
there are ways to be happy
there are ways to help
there are ways to give
there are ways to fool
there are ways to dream

there are ways to work
there are ways to create
there are ways to trust
there are ways to adore
there are ways to care
there are ways to open your heart
there are ways to support
there are ways to leave
there are ways to *be inhumane*

there are ways to destroy
there are ways to fake
there are ways to close your heart
there are ways to explain
there are ways to close your mind
there are ways to abandon
there are ways to speak
there are ways to listen
there are ways to promise
there are ways to ignore

there are also ways to *not feel any emotional connection*
there are ways to kill love
there are ways to let love die

there are ways to change your destiny
there are ways to fight your destiny
there are ways to mock
there are ways to turn your back to love

there are ways to lie to yourself
there are ways to lie to others
there are ways to hurt

there are ways to be cruel
there are ways to decieve
there are ways to betray

there are ways to be mean
there are ways to abuse
there are ways to scorn
there are ways to lose




but also...



there are ways to feel the pain
there are ways to face the pain
there are ways to survive in the darkness
there are ways to *see* the stars
there are ways to *read* the stars
there are ways to set revenge aside
there are ways to forgive
there are ways to forget

there are ways to heal the broken heart
there are ways to heal the broken soul
there are ways to love yourself
there are ways to choose
there are moments to choose
there are ways to look at yourself in the mirror
there are ways to live
there are ways to see life
there are ways to be brave
there are ways to find inner strenght
there are ways to find your power
there are ways to trust again
there are ways to learn lessons

there are ways to understand
there are ways to ask for help
there are ways to accept help

there are ways to face *you*
there are ways to want to change

there are ways to change
there are ways to make a change
there are ways to change a life
there are ways to look for the light

there are ways to find the light
there are ways to be grateful
there are ways to acknowledge
there are ways to say thank you
there are ways to receive love
there are ways to accept love

there are ways to give love
there are ways to be blessed
there are ways to walk
there are ways to follow your path
there are ways to be happy


and all those ways
are not
the same each one
might, could, should, did, or do use.

cheap poetry?

maybe...

maybe not.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Helping you sleep. Brain Music Therapy

The brain music therapy (BMT) program starts by recording an individual's brain waves using an electroencephalogram. Key rhythms from the recording are translated by a computerized mathematical formula into musical sounds. The results are often compared to classical music, but each one is individualized.

Those sounds are then placed on a CD that trains the brain to relax, enabling the patient to sleep.

The method was developed in Russia in 1992 as an alternative to medication for insomnia. Galina Mindlin, a neuro-psychiatrist practicing in New York City, is the one who brought BMT to the United States in 2004.

Brain wave recordings done in the United States, Europe and Canada are sent to Russia where the customized CDs are created.

Sue Klear, a psychologist from San Jose, who is has a practice that includes BMT, expects the necessary equipment will be in the U.S. shortly, which will cut down on the three- to four-week wait between recordings and delivery of the CD.

While the article bellow is more of a promotion for Dr. Klear's practice than an information piece, the concept is pretty intriguing - personalized acoustic therapy that induces a state of relaxation.

Much criticism of the method can be found if one cares to search for "Brain Music Therapy". However, migraine people are notoriously known for their insomnia - overactive brains, pain, jumping up and down hormone levels, you name it. If BMT really helps at least some of us, it's good enough for yours truly.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

and about pain...






The purpose of pain

by Alex Blackwell @ the BridgeMaker


Emotional pain, like physical pain, can tell you something. Although not pleasant and very uncomfortable to endure, the pain you have suffered in your life can create tremendous value and purpose if you allow it to do so.

Last Friday night Mary Beth and I were driving home from a rare dinner alone. The topic of our parents came up. We both struggle with certain aspects of how we were raised as children. My wife and I are still healing some wounds that were inflicted many years ago.

The purpose of today’s post is not to bash my parents. I strongly believe that my parents, and my wife’s parents, did not consciously or deliberately set out to cause either one of us pain. But our reality suggests that the adults we are today, for better or for worse, is a product of the pain we experienced as children.

During the drive home from the restaurant, I wondered if my life would be different, perhaps a little better, if my parents had provided a more nurturing and structured environment. Mary Beth quickly reminded me that it is because I didn’t have the financial resources or the guidance to guide me into making appropriate choices that has ultimately led me to my success.

Simply put, it is because I had to rely on my own tenacity; I had to develop a strict work ethic; and I had develop personal accountability and a set of goals to motivate and inspire me are the reasons I have what I have today and I am who I am today.

I’m far from perfect, but I do know how to survive and keep moving forward in life in spite of the obstacles, and pain, I encounter.

Pain is a compass

Pain can serve as a compass to point us in new directions and new opportunities. Typically, we tend to avoid a circumstance, a person, or a type of a person, if it has caused us pain in the past.

Making these adjustments contributes to our personal development and growth and helps to develop new-found confidence when the adjustments we make lead to better, less painful, and more gratifying results.

Pain shapes our character

Living in a house with an alcoholic parent forced me to learn to adapt. I had to learn, from an early age, to set my expectations low but to place my ambitions high. My purpose became to survive and to create a life that would break the cycle for my children.

Sometimes in life it’s not what happens to you that define your character, it’s how you respond to what happens to you that define your character.

Our darkest days create our most courageous moments

Just as there are not accidents without value, the pain we feel can pave the way to developing a more courageous and confident spirit. When we get hit, really hard, and fall to our knees in despair, but somehow summon the strength to rise and face the challenge again, we become smarter and we become stronger for the next round.

I’m a big fan of the movie Rocky. In the final scene, Rocky and Apollo Creed come out of their corners and touch gloves for the 15th and final round of the fight.

Creed glares at Rocky and says, “You’re going down.”

Rocky looks backs at Creed and simply states, “No, no way.”

After enduring 14 rounds of punishment and pain, Rocky was determined not to give up. For him, victory meant to be standing when the final bell rang. He knew he would not win the fight with Creed, but he was really fighting a completely different fight - he was fighting the demons in his mind that kept telling him he was just a bum.

He used his pain, both past and present, as a compass to motivate him and provide the confidence he needed to endure the last round. He ended the fight still on his feet.

The purpose of pain is to remind us we are alive. If we will allow it, pain can provide the foundation to live a life of courage and determination. The memories of pain, and knowing we can survive, will help keep us on our feet, too.