My Stage Fright...

*Sigh*

It´s been two weeks after not having a ear & vocal training class and I discovered that I chose a very difficult song to sing on my end of semester exam, not because it is difficult to *imitate*, but because I can´t find a style that suits my taste to sing it very different than the original singer who is Alicia Keys, and I don´t want it to sound as an *arrangement* of the song.


I studied all my excercises from the Ear Training Book,( from Berklee College of Music), which I found easier to understand than the ones I used to study almost 18 years ago at the Universidad de los Andes, when I was *planning* to become a professional singer. Yes, the methodology is different, it´s easier to understand and more logical, and also, I don´t have a 65 year old *Classic School* European teacher, but Alejandro Calle, a young Colombian teacher/performer who studied at Berklee and is specialised in Jazz, Soul and Bossa Nova. BIG difference. !!!

But, the part I am concerned today is that even if I had studied my lessons well, even if I could sing them very good and my pitch was correct and my breathing was correct and I thought the song was going well, my throat started to ache last night. This morning it was a very very bad sore throat. I looked and it was all red and swollen and it hurt a lot. I wanted to think that it was because of the medicine I am taking for acne ( Isotretinoin, known as Roaccutane) which *dries* all my body, incluidng hands, eyes, nose, mouth and of course throat, and also the fact that I´ve been smoking a lot in the past months.

I went to the music academy, and told Alejandro that maybe I was not going to be able to sing *very good* because of the sore throat, but that I had studied my lessons and that we could give the song a try. He agreed. I had to sing the excercises, and then the song , many times. I felt scared to sing because there were people outside the classroom and they could hear me. I thought it was awful, but I had to sing. Alejandro knows that the reason why I quit studing music when I was in the middle of the career was specifically my stage fright, and he´s focused on giving me tools to overcome this damn phobia. Also he says, - Even if we have to stay here until 12pm, you WILL sing.- So I had to sing, and slowly my throat wasn´t hurting that much. And I said well, I´m feeling better maybe it wasn´t a virus or something.

But when I left the academy, and I was coming back home I discovered that my throat was perfectly fine. I got here and I checked (I had checked in the mirror at the office and it was ugly) and it was perfectly normal. It doesn´t hurt anymore.

Conclusion, it´s coming back. The phobia is coming back. But I won´t let it win. I will do whatever it is necessary to really banish it from my life. I have to be able to show other people that I love music that I have a good voice and that I can *communicate* a message through singing. All those emotions, lyrics, music...I want to share them with others. And people who have heard me sing say I do it very good. It´s not only the *technique* but the feeling you put on it. So? yes I am insecure in *this area* and also I am a perfectionist when it comes to the things I do. And therefore, maybe deep deep inside I don´t feel that I am *good enough* to perform in front of an audience. Strange thing this phobia...

I will work with my Reiki and Sacred Stones Master, and we´ll definitely have to do something about this.

Here, some links I found, which I will read and see what I´ll do about this. I can´t get it back. Full stop. !!


http://www.anxietycoach.com/social1.htm



http://ezinearticles.com/?Natural-Cure-For-Stage-Fright&id=563472



http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/149024/how_to_cope_with_stage_freight.html



http://www.eddielandsberg.com/stfreigh.html