Tuesday, January 27, 2009

siempre hermosa...







TRUE COLORS

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow



Saturday, January 24, 2009

Trapped in your own games?




*Be careful when the voice of your ego´s desires speaks louder than the voice of your heart´s desires. Perhaps you might hear it loud, but it will be of no use for you. And be even more careful, when the voice of your ego´s desires speaks to you so loud that you can´t listen to the voice of your heart´s true needs. You might get trapped in the games of your ego, and live unsatisfied for ever. Listen... to your heart instead.*

*Tenga cuidado cuando la voz de los deseos del ego le hable más fuerte que la de los deseos del corazón. Puede que la oiga más, pero le servirá menos. Y tenga aún mas cuidado, cuando la voz de los deseos del ego le hable tan fuerte que opaque la voz de las verdaderas necesidades de su corazón. Podría caer en el juego de su ego y vivir insatisfecho siempre. Hágale caso mas bien... a su corazón.*

by *Star*



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

En algún lugar...



En algún lugar al que nunca he viajado
(e.e cummings)


En algún lugar al que nunca he viajado, alegremente más allá
de toda experiencia, tus ojos tienen su silencio:
en tu gesto más frágil hay cosas que me encierran
o que no puedo tocar porque están demasiado cerca.

tu mirada más leve me abrirá fácilmente.
aunque me haya cerrado como un puño,
tu siempre abres pétalo a pétalo mi ser como la primavera abre
(con un toque diestro y misterioso) su primera rosa.

o si deseas cerrarme, yo y
mi vida nos cerraremos hermosa, súbitamente,
como cuando el corazón de ésta flor imagina
la nieve cayendo cuidadosa por doquier.

nada que hayamos de percibir en este mundo iguala
el poder de tu fragilidad intensa, cuya textura
me compele con el color de sus campos,
vertiendo la muerte y el para siempre con cada respiración.

( yo no sé que hay en tí que se cierra
y abre; apenas algo en mí comprende
que la voz de tus ojos es más profunda que todas las rosas)
nadie, ni siquiera la lluvia tiene manos tan pequeñas.

                       *****************
Somewhere I have never travelled
(e.e. cummings)

somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond


any experience,your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which I cannot touch because they are too near



your slightest look will easily unclose me

though I have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose



or if your wish be to close me, I and

my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility:whose texture

compels me with the color of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing



(I do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands





Monday, January 12, 2009

Nada es normal



Take an acoustic guitar, two beautiful voices, a sexy portugese accent,
sweet lyrics and music. what do you get?



Victor & Leo
*Nada Es Normal*
La luz vas a apagar y el cielo a encender
todo está tranquilo por aquí.
Te voy a conocer, me voy a apasionar,
no hay mucho mas que decir.


Estamos frente a frente
nuestros labios no resisten,
nuestros ojos son testigos, el amor existe
todo es tan real, pero nada es normal.
Jamás había vivido un sentimiento tan profundo
quedarme aquí a tu lado
es lo mas lindo de este mundo
todo es tan real, pero nada es normal.


Te voy a conocer, me voy a apasionar,
no hay mucho mas que decir.
Estamos frente a frente
nuestros labios no resisten,
nuestros ojos son testigos, el amor existe
todo es tan real, pero nada es normal.


Jamás había vivido un sentimiento tan profundo
quedarme aquí a tu lado
es lo mas lindo de este mundo
todo es tan real, pero nada es normal.


Monday, January 05, 2009

My last conversation with Love



My last conversation with Love. **

by *Star*
Love came to my bedroom last night and laid down next to me. We remained in silence for hours. He didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything either. Then, when the night was still dark, and knowing in advance what he was going to ask me I said: - So, what are you doing here? I thought I told you not to come here anymore.

He said: - I miss you. I miss you deeply! You used to care about me. I’m hungry. You haven’t fed me lately and I’m thirsty. Why are you doing this to me? I remember you said that I was the most special Love in your whole life, and that you were going to feed me and give me water every day for ever. So? What happened? Seriously, I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I can’t live like this.


I said: - Yes, I know, and I remember what I said, but I can’t feed you anymore. Neither can I give you water, because you’ll be still hungry but you’ll be alive for a long time and it will be more painful for you and for me. And I know about pain, believe me, and ask my broken heart if you don’t!

- But I will die!! ! You promised many things! You are being cruel! - He said

- I couldn’t be sadder and you know it Love. I am not a woman who leaves Love abandoned. I am not a woman who doesn’t feed and nurture Love. I would give anything for you Love. But I want you to understand that I just can’t, because if I do, you, Love, will live for ever but I will die of sadness and madness.

Love was upset and stood up. Walked around my bed for a while, in silence, and then sat down in the corner of my bedroom. He was crying, just as I was crying. We were running out of tears.

Love was sad. So sad, for him and for me, and he tried to give me hope that 'the one' would come back and then Love could live with us. He tried to convince me that because I thought I had been a good person, and because I loved him so much and cared so much about him, 'the one' would keep me in his heart and he would come back someday. He tried to convince me of many really stupid things, for hours...

I knew Love was saying all those things because he was hungry and thirsty. So I paid little attention to what he was saying. All I said was - No, I won’t feed you. No I won’t give you water.
Just before dawn, and after we had remained in silence for he last hour, he looked at me and said: -Are you sure you want me to die?

I said: - Love, you know I don’t want you to die, but I have to let you die. Because I need to be “alive”. That means that you have to remain in silence for the rest of your life and understand that when the time comes, and you are dying I will not do anything to save you. I’m not pretending that you, Love who knows me the best, will agree or understand this I’m doing, but I’m telling you in advance, so you are warned of what is going to happen to you and how you are going to die.

He said: - But I’m hungry! Please, please, feed me, at least give me a small glass of water! I’m alive now. So alive... please don’t let me die!

I said: - I gotta go to work.

***************************************


** I wrote this a while ago. And after all... I can´t say Love *dies* as an animal or a plant or a person ... maybe it was just *transformed*. I do have to say though, that I had to put immense amounts of effort to let it slowly be *transformed* into something different than the profoundest hate. Maybe *that* was my lesson.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

The trouble with being human these days


Identity, by Zygmunt Bauman
Conversations with Benedetto Vecchi

Dolan Cummings @ Culture Wars


In Identity, a short book based on an email exchange between Zygmunt Bauman and Italian journalist Benedetto Vecchi, the sociologist discusses the question of identity in the context of what he calls ‘liquid modernity’. Bauman’s thesis, set out in his book of that name (2000), is that we have moved from a solid to a fluid phase of modernity, in which nothing keeps its shape, and social forms are constantly changing at great speed, radically transforming the experience of being human.

The idea of liquid modernity could be seen as Bauman’s attempt to resolve the tension that exists in much social theory between explaining social phenomena as aspects of modernity, and accounting for their appearance only recently. After all, the modern condition, with its overturning of tradition, has dominated the past two centuries. Liquid modernity seems perhaps to be the late realisation of a tendency that has characterised modernity from the start. What remains at issue is whether the ‘solid’ institutions of prior modernity were merely the residue of tradition, or pointed towards a more enduring potential of modernity itself. Most pertinently, is the rational self-determining subject of modernity any more than an illusion that has had its day?

Inevitably, the undermining of familiar institutions, an aspect of modernity that has certainly been intensified in recent years, has had important consequences for people’s sense of identity. There is nothing new about the observation that national and class-based identities (both of which had seemed almost definitively modern) have been upset by the end of the Cold War and various other developments discussed under the heading of ‘globalisation’. Similarly, Bauman notes that while the workplace was traditionally a very important source of personal identity, changes in the economy have rendered it far less reliable. He suggests that the enduring identities once associated with work have given way to looser and more provisional identities, and conceptions of community, that are subject to constant change and renegotiation. Indeed, Bauman points to a more profound transformation of how we understand what it means to be human in the absence of transcendent ideologies (traditional or otherwise) such as have characterised modernity until recently.

The liquidity of which Bauman writes is nowhere more evident than in his own writing, which, even when not based on email, tends of late to be aphoristic, even whimsical. Reading Liquid Love (2003) is not so much like taking an academic course with Professor Bauman, as being stuck in a lift with him after a particularly well-catered social function, perhaps having set the old man off with an ill-judged confession of new love or a broken heart. ‘Ah, love…’ Nonetheless, it is in the context of personal relationships (especially what Vecchi quaintly calls ‘amorous relationships’), that Bauman is most insightful. What do these represent in the absence of a traditional framework within which to make sense of them. Is there indeed any basis for enduring relationships if we dispense with traditional notions of duty, responsibility and self-sacrifice?

In Identity, Bauman cites French philosopher Michel Serres’ nomination of Don Juan as the first hero of modernity, delighting in spontaneity and inconstancy. ‘The strategy of carpe diem is a response to a world emptied of values pretending to be lasting,’ Bauman suggests. The strategy is well captured in Penny Woolcock’s 2003 film The Principles of Lust, in which the protagonist is attracted to a demonic character who rejects commitment of any kind and lives by a credo of instant and disposable gratification. That film’s lack of success may indicate that Don Juan has lost his glamour as his worldview has become too real.

As Bauman notes, ‘Most of us, most of the time, are in two minds about that novelty of “bond-free living” - of relationships “with no strings attached”. We covet them and fear them at the same time.’ The flipside of freedom from ties rooted in social convention is a lack of guarantees, and a heightened consciouness of the risk involved in relationships. Bauman refers to the old idea that to love someone means giving a hostage to fortune, but what he goes on to describe is very different from Francis Bacon’s famous and essentially pre-modern observation (borrowing in fact from the Latin poet Lucan): ‘He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief’.

What Bauman means is not simply that the object of one’s affections is vulnerable, and therefore a liability, but that in modernity the object of one’s affections is also a subject. Loving a subject means ‘making oneself dependent on another person endowed with a similar freedom to choose and the will to follow that choice - and so a person full of surprises, unpredictable.’ That person’s surprising choices can be painful. In the absence of the guarantees offered by tradition, the whole enterprise of commitment is fundamentally unilateral, and consequently precarious. Traditional marriage, in contrast, meant staying together ‘through thick and thin’ for the sake of convention rooted in practicality, rather than as a fully autonomous decision. Bourgeois marriage is, or was, emblematic of ‘solid modernity’, combining, never quite satisfactorily, traditional function with an ideal of free choice. That tension between practicality and romance is not resolved in ‘liquid modernity’, merely disenchanted.

Where subjectivity is unconstrained by tradition, then, it is instead inhibited by uncertainty. Dea Birkett argued recently in the Guardian: ‘Falling in and out of love is unpredictable. Promising to love someone forever is a promise no honest person would make.’ But this apparent hard-headed realism is really the flipside of sentimentality. Both attitudes abandon responsibility to the Fates, casting love as a mere subjective feeling rather than, as it might be, a rational determination. True, feelings change, but decisions can affect the way they change. If we are rationally convinced of something, rather than simply following a whim, we can put ourselves in situations more amenable to some feelings than others, and wait out the bad days (precisely because we interpret them as such, rather than as changes of mind).

Arguably, this is the first time we have been able to make such risky commitments autonomously, not to be defined by others, but to choose to define ourselves through others - and not just in personal relationships. This is very different from the traditional taken-for-granted character of commitment-identities. With the disenchantment of marriage, the rationality of relations between human subjects is revealed. But this doesn’t make them any simpler or less risky; in fact, in the current context it seems to have inspired a calculating cynicism. Why choose to constrain oneself? Faced with an unexpected turn in a relationship, the easiest thing to do is to reinterpret one’s earlier commitment as a mistake, and ‘move on’.

This kind of reinterpretation of past commitments has obvious consequences for identity, however. Bauman mentions in passing another French philosopher Paul Ricoeur’s terms, la mêmete (sameness) to describe consistency of self over time, and l’ipseite (selfness) to describe what distinguishes us from others. His contention is that both categories are increasingly problematic in ‘liquid modernity’. Certainly, these are less ‘given’ than in the past. There is no overbearing social script dictating how we should live our lives, and placing individual biographies in the context of a greater whole. Tradition is a collection of disenchanted stories with little grip on our lives.

Modernity, or ‘solid modernity’ can be understood as one more such disenchanted story, but this to miss what is unique about it; that it requires not enchantment but active commitment. The modern ideal of rational self-determining subjects is indeed a script of sorts, but one which allows, indeed requires, people to take authorship. This implies a subjective commitment to particular goals and even institutions that embody those goals. What Bauman calls liquid modernity is a consequence of the failure of the ‘grand narratives’ of modernity, most obviously nationalism and socialism. (In that sense, of course, his theory is a more graphic variant of postmodernism.) This failure has cast doubt on possibility of subjective, voluntaristic narratives as much as traditionally imposed ones.

In an essay in the Times Literary Supplement (15 October 2004), the paper’s philosophy editor Galen Strawson challenged the idea that ‘narrativity’ is necessary to ‘the good life’, essentially arguing that it is irrational to insist on la mêmete. Why not just accept that we change over time, and decisions we make at one point will seem inappropriate or plain silly further down the line?

On an individual psychological level, this makes sense. In many senses, the ‘me’ of now bears little relation to the ‘me’ of several years ago. Strawson says he doesn’t mind whether ‘he’ endures into the future. I think I’d rather ‘I’ did, albeit bigger and better. In fact, Strawson describes two distinct psychological types to account for this, which he calls diachronic and episodic. The former is given to narrative; the latter is not, and Strawson insists that while each type is disturbed and confused by the alternative disposition, neither is ethically superior.

Strawson lists writers who conform to each type. These span the ages: the episodics go back as far as Michel de Montaigne and the Earl of Shaftesbury and up to AJ Ayer and Bob Dylan, while the diachronics include Plato, Augustine, Heidegger and Patrick O’Brian. Nonetheless, narrative thinking has surely characterised certain historical periods and societies more than others, and Strawson’s attitude does seem particularly contemporary. It is, perhaps, an outlook peculiarly suited to Bauman’s liquid modernity. At a time when it is difficult to sustain a coherent identity over time, it is reassuring to be told that it doesn’t matter. Instead of lamenting the absence of stories through which to make sense of our lives, we should celebrate our liberation from narrative (not to mention metanarrative) and get on with our lives-es.

AC Grayling recently argued similarly in The Liberal magazine (December 2004) ‘against monogamy’ on the grounds that people change and it would be cruel to force people to persist in unhappy marriages. In fact, this was an argument for (retaining) legal divorce and (continuing to allow) remarriage rather than against monogamy. It is telling that Grayling seems unable to imagine what monogamy might mean if not legal enforcement of marriage vows. He posits a peculiar weak version of the individual, a flighty creature cruelly ensnared by the authoritarian institution of marriage. But this is a caricature even of marriage in traditional society. Individuals can actually choose to define themselves through social institutions such as monogamy. It is perfectly consistent to oppose the legal enforcement of marriage vows, then, while endorsing the idea of monogamy, either as a social good or as an individual choice. Indeed, it is at this level, rather than that of state coercion, that such institutions are actually constituted.

Whether or not one does believe in monogamy, to oppose it on the grounds that it is necessarily coercive is to underestimate human beings’ capacity to determine their own lives, both as individuals and through cultural norms and aspirations shared with others. Dea Birkett’s insistence that ‘no honest person’ would commit for life reduces a solemn determination to a wild and surely inaccurate guess. In this former sense, however, ‘narrative’ offers the possibility not just of describing and giving meaning to our lives, but of shaping and giving direction to our lives. Not so paradoxically, then, the demise of social narrative has not led to greater individual freedom, but to unreflective conformism to what is considered to be human nature.

Bauman considers this demise of narrative an inevitable consequence of modernity. He describes the modern scientific mindset as saying: ‘If God’s mind is inscrutable, let us stop wasting time on reading the unreadable and concentrate on what we, humans, can understand and do.’ For all the ensuing benefits, Bauman blames this mindset for undermining any kind of eternal values. Whereas all cultures historically have tried one way or another to bridge the gap between mortal life and the eternity of the universe, ‘We are perhaps the first generation to enter life and live it without such a formula.’

For Bauman, mere humanism offers no foundation for lasting values. ‘Like all other postulated identities, “humanity” as an identity embracing all other identities can ultimately rely solely on the dedication of its postulated adherents.’ This is perfectly true, and the frailty of such concepts as ‘human rights’ is all too evident, but arguably this is because, like Grayling’s humanism, these tend to portray human beings as fundamentally vulnerable. If the postulated adherents of contemporary humanism cannot even make decisions about their personal lives, their dedication to any identity embracing all other identities has to be in question too.

Nonetheless, this is not the only way to think about humanism. The dedication of adherents to the institutions of what Bauman calls solid modernity was not soley based on values borrowed from tradition or religion, but reflected genuine shared interests and solidarities rooted in the material world. While there has undeniably been a great deal of change in the world, it is questionable whether things have altered so fundamentally that those solidarites, and the identities based on them, are no longer imaginable.

The peculiar ‘liquidity’ of our times may be less the consequence of structural change than intellectual exhaustion, the failure of the great ideologies of the twentieth century to bring about change on a scale that really would transform what it means to be human. Bauman rightly warns against attempts to seek refuge in the identities of the past, but in his lament at the passing of lasting values, he perhaps underestimates the possibilities for self-assured human beings unencumbered by the past, and brave enough to face the future.

Copyright © 2008 Culture Wars.

and about "the way" we love...





How to Love Consciously

by Alex Blackwell @ the BridgeMaker


The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” Gilbert Chesterton

Knowing how someone wants to be loved and then providing that love are two separate things. Sometimes marriages and other relationships end because either one person does not understand how to meet the needs of the other; or one partner refuses to meet the needs of the other.

To love consciously is a choice. Mary Beth and I often say being married is very similar to having another full-time job – you get out of it what you put into it.

Our marriage is like a savings account. My wife and I make deposits into it never expecting we may need to make a withdrawal. However, when we do request a withdrawal there are no associated penalties.

Yes, we argue over the temperature in the car or who really forgot to feed the dog, but when it really matters; when it really counts, we make the consciousness choice to give each other the love that is requested and needed.

With over 23 years of marriage under our belts, we have found the following strategies work best to love intentionally; to love authentically and to love consciously.

Show Appreciation
A simple “thank you” in response to a trivial or ordinary item can make a significant difference. It only takes a few short moments to utter these two words, but the impact can be felt for a very long time.

Showing gratitude is also the best strategy for ensuring the things you are most grateful for continue to happen. When we stop and tell our partners what we are grateful for, we are also telling the Universe. By making the effort, the conscious decision, to express our thanks we are in a better position of receiving more of it in the future.

If you want your partner to be grateful, it starts by you showing gratitude, first.

Be Happy, Not Right
Here’s a question for you, “Would you rather be right, or happy?” Too often our pride and egos can keep us from enjoying intimate relationships. We stew over what we think are injustices, but are perhaps only misunderstandings.

We carry grudges and do not show enough grace, passion or forgiveness to the person we care most about. Our need to be right can overshadow our need to receive, and give, love.

Take a look at what your pride is costing you. If intimacy is strained and the relationship is off track you may want to reconsider the value of your anger or self righteousness. Here’s the thing: You may be right in the argument although you partner thinks otherwise, but you will never be wrong when you put your partner first. Happiness always feels better than vindication.


No Day But Today
What would you say to your partner if you knew this was the last day you would be together? Would you complain about the television being too loud, or would you remind your partner of their value and significance?

Life does have an expiration date. This isn’t meant to be a downer – just a reality we all share. It’s what you do with this information that will make the difference. While it’s very difficult to sustain a high-level of connection and passion on a day-to-day basis, there are some simple things you can do to convey your partner’s importance to let them know they are important today:

Kiss your mate at least twice a day
Leave a quick note just to say “hi,” or “I love you”
Never do anything you wouldn’t want your partner to know
Be fully present when they need to talk or share something important
Make the effort to spend some time together each day
Give a compliment
Make your partner feel important
Smile
No Judgments
Judgments are often times rooted in perception, not reality. Judgments are also a piece of how you see the world, not the way the world, or in this case your partner, actually exists.

The harm with judgments is resentment and anger are typically the outcomes – not the change that is expected. When a judgment is made, there is an implied belief the behavior or trait being judged should be corrected. However, the person receiving the judgment does not always share the same expectation.

As a result, communication is impaired, connection is deteriorated and conflict ensues. To love deliberately and consciously requires loving your partner with a different filter – a cleaner filter that does not have the residue of past containments.

Be Aware of Your Own Thoughts & Feelings
Loving authentically is dependent on loving yourself, first. Before you share love, and share yourself with someone, it is important to beware of what you want. Reality suggests, however, we fall in love and begin relationships before we have a clear idea of our own true feelings.

When this happens, there is still plenty of time to discover your needs – this is called growth. Give yourself opportunities outside of the relationship. Build friendships and pursue interests on your own.

A good relationship exists when both people can live without the other, but choose to be together. A relationship built on a foundation of sharing different interests cultivates more life and depth into it.

You own your thoughts and feelings. These make you unique and keep you grounded with who you really are or growing to become. By doing so, you are in a much better position to love freely and honestly. Nature has a way of taking care of those things we put the most energy in and want to grow even stronger.

Loving Consciously
The power of love extends its reach when we will love intentionally. Real love, authentic love, springs to life and is sustained when we make the choice to feed it with our deliberate passion. Our souls are nourished when our partners realize we know how to love them.

There will be a day when I no longer share this life with my wife. When that day arrives, my hope is she will know my intent was to discover exactly what she wanted and my conscious choice was to give her more of that.