Antes...

Jamás imaginé que llegaría este día

Donde apostaría yo toda mi vida

Por amarte y por hablarte otra vez.

Pero que diablos, ya perdí todo mi tiempo

Y por mis errores ahora estoy sufriendo,

Quisiera regresar.

Pero antes de andar y salir de tu vida

Y andar solo ay!,

Quisiera llorar y sacarme de adentro tus besos

Tu cuerpo.

Antes, de olvidar

Quisiera llorarte una vez más y soñarte

Antes, del libro cerrar

Quisiera contarte que no me gustó su final.

Antes...

Jamás imaginé que llegaría a perderte

Llegué a sentirme tan seguro de tenerte

Pero ves mi vida que no fue asi.

Pero que ya diablos, ya perdí todo mi tiempo

Y por mis errores ahora estoy sufriendo

Quisiera regresar.

Pero antes de andar y salir de tu vida

Y andar solo ay!,

Quisiera llorar y sacarme de adentro tus besos

Tu cuerpo.

Antes, de olvidar

Quisiera llorarte una vez más y soñarte

Antes, del libro cerrar

Quisiera contarte que no me gustó su final.

Antes, de olvidar

Quisiera llorarte una vez más y soñarte

Antes, del libro cerrar

Quisiera contarte que no me gustó su final.

Antes...

 

Qué voy a hacer con mi amor?

Qué voy a hacer con mi amor

(Alejandro Fernández)

Le bajé las estrellas de un solo golpe
tal vez ese fue mi error.
Le ofrecí cada día y cada noche, el alma y el corazón
pero no le bastó no fue suficiente
no quizó quererme como la quise yo.

¿Qué voy a hacer con todo este amor?
Que no cabe en mi pecho
Que me cala los huesos
Que se ahoga en este mar de dolor.

Que me quema la carne y
Que me hierve la sangre
Que me está partiendo en dos la razón.

¿Qué voy a hacer sin su amor?,
¿Qué voy a hacer con mi amor?.


Se alejó de mi vida de un solo golpe
se fue sin decirme adiós.
Me rompió la sonrisa, las ilusiones, el alma y el corazón.
Le dí todo mi amor y no fue suficiente
no quizo quererme como la quise yo.

¿Qué voy a hacer con todo este amor?
Que no cabe en mi pecho
Que me cala los huesos
Que se ahoga en este mar de dolor.

Que me quema la carne y
Que me hierve la sangre
Que me está partiendo en dos la razón.

¿Qué voy a hacer sin su amor?,
¿Qué voy a hacer con mi amor?.


Que no cabe en mi pecho
Que me cala los huesos
Que se ahoga en este mar de dolor.

Que me quema la carne y
Que me hierve la sangre
Que me está partiendo en dos la razón.

Que no cabe en mi pecho
Que me cala los huesos
Que se ahoga en este mar de dolor.

Que me quema la carne y
Que me hierve la sangre
Que me está partiendo en dos la razón.


¿Qué voy a hacer sin su amor?,
¿Qué voy a hacer con mi amor?.

poesía de Mario Benedetti

La culpa es de uno

(Mario Benedetti)


Quizá fue una hecatombe de esperanzas

un derrumbe de algún modo previsto

ah pero mi tristeza solo tuvo un sentido



todas mis intuiciones se asomaron

para verme sufrir

y por cierto me vieron



hasta aquí había hecho y rehecho

mis trayectos contigo

hasta aquí había apostado

a inventar la verdad

pero vos encontraste la manera

una manera tierna

y a la vez implacable

de desahuciar mi amor



con un solo pronostico lo quitaste

de los suburbios de tu vida posible

lo envolviste en nostalgias

lo cargaste por cuadras y cuadras

y despacito

sin que el aire nocturno lo advirtiera

ahí nomás lo dejaste

a solas con su suerte

que no es mucha



creo que tenés razón

la culpa es de uno cuando no enamora

y no de los pretextos

ni del tiempo



hace mucho muchísimo

que yo no me enfrentaba

como anoche al espejo

y fue implacable como vos

mas no fue tierno



ahora estoy solo

francamente

solo



siempre cuesta un poquito

empezar a sentirse desgraciado



antes de regresar

a mis lóbregos cuarteles de invierno



con los ojos bien secos

por si acaso



miro como te vas adentrando en la niebla

y empiezo a recordarte.

Love & risks...

"To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To hope is to risk pain.

To try is to risk failure,

But risk must be taken,

Because the greatest hazard in life

Is to risk nothing."

Leo Buscaglia

It is you who are the basket case...

So, apparently one has to follow the rules and laws of the *common* people. One has to *be this*, *do that* , *feel this* and *think that* *act like this*, * avoid that*, and *never say this* or *believe that*... or else you are considered to be *wrong* *unbalanced* and *crazy*. Probably ... or not? This is who I am and how I roll. Crazy, wrong or unbalanced... I laugh, I give myself to others, I speak, I take chances, I am able to change, I beat challenges, I fall and I stand up and walk, even if I have to do it millions of times, I feel intensely, I don´t stop, I imagine, I cry, I sing, I dance, I care about others, I am generous, I create, I invent, I love... intensely too, I dream... I work to make dreams come true, I have passion and put passion on what I do. And I am blessed.

I´ll share this ...again.

*There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall, so many laws to keep you from experience. All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling state in which most people pass through life. I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case." I will turn and say to them "It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!" And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.*

Henry Rollins

Crazy (Acoustic) - Gnarls Barkley

Cute *things*

Dying to Live or Living to Die.

I just finished reading this. After the tears dried I wanted to put it here and share it whith whomever may read this blog. I *needed* this in a certain way. You know? there have always been misterious ways and paths that lead me to the words I need to read …or hear. Sometimes I don´t even have to search for them, they come to me. If you have time, read it without pre-conceptions... just with an open mind and an open heart.


Dying to Live or Living to Die.

By Randy Gage @ randygage.com

February 7th, 2009

I’m doing something unusual today, in that I’m going to post the “Randy’s Rants” newsletter that went out today. I have been deluged with messages on the impact it has had on people. And I realize that not all of you blog readers gets the Rants. And I think the message is an important one for success and prosperity. I wish it was a happier message, but that’s not how all life lessons come. -RG


Dying to Live or Living to Die…
I was cruising up I-95 in the Aston with the top down; Jonny Lang wailing through the speakers.

Why am I fighting to live;
If I’m just living to fight?
Why am I trying to see;
When there ain’t nothing in sight?
Why am I trying to give;
When no one gives me a try?
Why am I dying to live;
If I’m just living to die?

It’s one of his most haunting and poetic songs and one of my all-time favorites. But on this day, it made me very melancholy. Last weekend, my friend Carol killed her father, and then took her own life. He had been ill for a long time and had wanted to die. But that didn’t make it any less heart wrenching or shocking.

Obviously Carol was in great pain herself, and didn’t want to continue. She had a back injury and other health challenges recently and couldn’t help her sister Gail much to care for their father. I didn’t walk in her shoes, so can’t judge her or know what finally drove her to this extreme. But I do know that this is a sad and tragic end to a life that once shone brightly. And that wounds my heart and saddens my soul. I will miss my friend and always wonder what might have been.

Sometimes I wish for the arrogance of the fundamentalists, with their smug certainty of their guaranteed salvation. But alas, I can only hope that Carol and her father are in a better place, a kinder space.

I do know that death has saved them from more pain. But while that gives those of us left behind some degree of solace, there is still that gnawing hunger of what might have been.

I never met my father, so Father’s Day was reserved for my Grandfather on my Mother’s side. But he’s been gone for some years now. So every June I walk by the Hallmark display, but I have no one to buy a card for.

My grandmother is gone now too, so I have just one card to send for Mother’s Day in May. And I fear the day will come when I won’t have that either. And as much as I fear that, I fear the opposite even worse. Because no mother should ever have to bury her child.

The other day, my entire extended family met at Disney World. There were so many of us we had to take five cars. As is often the case in Florida, a summer shower came and drenched us. So we all ran to the cars, to go back to the hotel.

Then I noticed that Grandma wasn’t in any of the cars. So I sent everyone back and I waited alone for her. Finally I saw her standing alone, under a cloud. She had a rain poncho on and wanted to stay. So I agreed to walk in the rain through Disney World, just her and I.

But then I woke up, and it was a cold winter day, and the raindrops were really teardrops. What I wouldn’t give for the chance to walk in the rain with her one more time.

Today I am sad. But if you ask me most days, I’ll tell you I’m the happiest person I know. I love life, and I love my life. Each and every day I celebrate the blessings I have.

But it wasn’t always that way…

I have a journal from more than 15 years ago. No one else on the planet has ever seen it, or ever will. But it’s a suicide note.

Written in the depth of despair, when life simply seemed too arduous, too difficult, and too painful to endure any longer.

Had I acted upon that impulse then, I would have missed falling in love in Paris, flying the Concorde, and winning a World Series. I would have been cheated of some spectacular sunsets in Key West, winning the Viper shootout, and long nights talking with good friends until 4 am. I would have never heard Dmitry Hvorostovsky, rode an elephant, or seen my nieces and nephews grow into young adults.

I would have missed many of the things that make a life worth living…

I can’t tell any of this to my friend Carol anymore, so I’m telling you. If you are in pain, face seemingly insurmountable challenges, or wonder if things will ever change for you, all I can say is, please hang on, at least for another day.

You have gifts that no one else in the world can offer. You have skills you don’t even know you possess, love you haven’t experienced yet, and hope that has your name upon it.

There are songs you have yet to sing, dances you are meant to dance, and stories that only you will be able to tell.

If you’re facing financial challenges, I promise you they can be solved. Knowing what I now know about prosperity, I am shocked at how easy wealth can be manifested when your mind is right. If this is an issue for you, please go to http://www.randygage.com/ebook.html and download an electronic copy of my book, “Accept Your Abundance” at no charge.

If you’re facing medical challenges or pain, know that science is advancing every day at an exponential rate. There are bionic limbs, breakthroughs in stem cell research, and diseases being cured all the time.

If you suffer from severe depression, find a medical professional to help you. It may even be something as simple as a chemical imbalance that can be corrected with acupuncture, a change in diet, or medication.

A trained counselor can help you through unresolved issues of abuse, abandonment, or trauma. If money is an issue, there are mental health programs offered from the government, or seek help from a spiritual advisor.

If your heart is broken, it means you have the capacity to love and are loving! There is someone special out there, waiting to meet you.

As I look back on my life now – I wouldn’t change one single thing. I have loved and lost, failed in more businesses than I can count, faced almost certain death, fought drug and alcohol dependencies, and stared down many personal demons. And all of these things made me stronger, gave me wisdom, and allowed me to love. These challenges molded me, as yours are molding you.

There are joyous, wonderful experiences awaiting you, but you have to be here to receive them. Yes, it is darkest before dawn, but the dawn will always break through.

Please. If you’re still reading this far, you’re not ready to go yet. Many of us will miss Carol. And we don’t want to miss you.

So I’ll keep fighting to live;
Till there’s no reason to fight.
And I’ll keep trying to see;
Until the end is in sight.
You know I’m trying to give;
So come on give me a try.
You know I’m dying to live;
Until I’m ready to die.

And now, for the rest of you…

Most of you reading this are not contemplating suicide. But what are you doing with the gift of life you have now? When are you going to stop phoning it in, and start living your life out loud, in color and BIG?

Call someone today and tell them you love them. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Tip the waitress stupid money. Stay up all night. Send someone flowers. Send yourself flowers. Notice the stars.

Start that book, screenplay or opera you’ve been talking about for years. Go to a scary movie and stop starring in one. Take a chance. Take a risk.

Make love with the lights on. Make wild bed-breaking sex with the lights off. Unplug the TV for a month. Next time you go out to eat, order a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a large chocolate milk.

Please. Live life. Live YOUR life.

And make it a life worth living.

- RG

Four Rocks to Grasp in Life

by Alex Blackwell @ TheBridgeMaker

“They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot. Don’t it always seem to go. That you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.” - Joni Mitchell

The coffee shop a few blocks from my house recently closed. On nights when I wanted to have a couple of hours to get some writing done, I would pack-up my laptop and head to this inspirational sanctuary. It never really occurred to me I would arrive one night and find it closed.

Likewise, it’s unsettling when, for as long as we can remember, we drive past the old farm house sitting on land covered with loblolly pines and oak tress only to look over one day from the car window and see it gone. Where a graceful, almost majestic home once stood has now been interrupted by earth movers and dump trucks. Our paradise has been deferred and we are uncertain of its new location.

Moments like these sting. It can feel like getting slapped in the face when you are not expecting it. The reality of knowing what we have today can be gone tomorrow can feel very harsh and uncomfortable.

Most of us like routine; we like the certainty and comfort of doing the same things each day and with the same people. This gives us a secure foundation for the times when we find the inspiration to try something new.

Living a full life takes a measure of risk and it does take courage. Sometimes having a rock to grasp when we make the decision to walk out of our comfort zones gives us the firm footing we need to go forward.

We hope the rocks will be readily available when we encounter turbulence along the way. Rocks are placed all around us. We just need to remember to look for them.

The Rock of Passion

Living a life of passion is living a life of meaning. Passion allows you to follow your heart’s desire without needing the approval or consent of others. Your passion is your centering agent and your soul’s compass. It will tell you when you are veering off course and it will tell you when the path you about to go down doesn’t help get you closer to your life’s purpose.

The passion rock helps you celebrate your uniqueness and value. When your self confidence is eroding and the thought of giving up is becoming the more likely choice, grasp the rock of passion and it will keep other people or difficult circumstances from sweeping you away.

Just like you have a genetic strand of DNA that determines the color of your eyes, you also have been given a divine strand of DNA that has predisposed you for a specific life purpose. Your passion will not betray you from living this purpose. This is the rock.

The Rock of Forgiveness

What happened in the past must stay in the past. It doesn’t define your value then, or now. The rock of forgiveness gives you freedom and helps you find the courage to live in the here and now.

To be clear, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself; not to the person requesting forgiveness. Forgiving, and letting go of the anger, frees your soul to be able to look ahead and to dream of the things yet to come in your life.

If self-forgiveness is needed, it works the same way. Let it go, whatever it is, and move forward. Learn from the past, but don’t stay there. Allow forgiveness to be a rock in your life and you will find mercy leads to clarity, and clarity leads to inspirational living.


The Rock of Surrender

Sometimes when we want something so much we find it difficult to focus on anything else. We try; we work; we try some more; we work even harder and still nothing.

Frustration and doubt seep in and we begin to loose our patience and faith. We begin to listen to other people and doubt our now motives, or even our sanity. However, if the thing you are working so hard to achieve is aligned with your life’s purpose and is the basis for your passion, then it’s not a matter of if, only when it will be delivered to you.

During these difficult times is when you can fall back to the rock of surrender. This rock may feel like the hardest to find because true surrendering can be one of the more difficult things to do.

Think of surrendering like asking for help. You are summoning up all of your courage and faith and turning it all over to something that exists beyond you. You must then trust the divine DNA that has been placed inside of you, and wait.

The Rock of Hope

The largest rock, with perfectly- sized notches on all sides just right for human hands, is hope.

Hope is what we see when the lights are tuned off in our coffee shops when we expect them to be on and inviting us to come inside for a little comfort. We see hope in the broken earth that once supported an old farm house full beauty and grace.

We begin to see hope in ourselves when we find the will to live our passion and the mercy to forgive those who may have kept us from it in the past. We feel our lives becoming a part of something larger when we surrender and ask for a little help – for a little more hope. The sting of unwanted change that burns our face with its harsh reality is soothed and kissed by hope.

We reach down to find our rock. We grasp it tightly at first. When the burning stops we let go. We are ready to move on, again.

Elsewhere

Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind has just released a wonderful new eBook, Reclaim Your Dreams: An Uncommon Guide to Living on Your Own Terms.

The eBook presents many valuable lessons on how to get our dreams back on track. These touched me the most:

Define Your Dreams. Dreams are fickle creatures and can be hard to tie down, but with a little effort you can do it. Identifying is the first step on the way to achieving and this book will give you the tools to do just that.

Overcome Uncertainty. You probably wonder at some level whether dreams are practical or just ridiculous. You may not necessarily doubt the dream itself, but the uncertainty that comes with working towards it. You fear your limitations. You fear your weaknesses. Dreams are possible and Reclaim Your Dreams will show you step by step just how to make them take root in the world.

Wake Up Happy. While there are the elusive few like yourself who dare to dream, there are others who would seek to bring you down. You’ll learn how to overcome the naysayers and how to start being excited about your life again.